On a recent evening bike ride through town I stopped at the Logan Temple and sat outside on a bench contemplating happiness. The nights are getting colder and the evening breeze prepares us of a new season. A change in nature and perhaps a change in myself. Some of you may think that I will go into a cheesy testimonial on how the temple brings you true happiness. While I do believe that the temple is a place of enlightenment, I believe that there is more to happiness than simply attending the temple. But on that night outside on a lonely bench I thought about how to achieve happiness. One reoccurring thought entered my mind. "Be Good to Yourself!" So many conversations, podcasts, books and experiences came together in that moment to conclude in my mind that happiness is found when you are good to yourself. Don't stop reading if you are now tempted, because you think that happiness is found in being selfish... but that is not what "being good to yourself!" means. Okay, okay.... let me explain.
"Being Good to Yourself" is comprised of many different components:
1. Find your passion
2. Be in the moment and live that moment to its fullest
3. Treat your body well
4. Surround yourself with those things/relationships that add value to your life
5. Get rid of those things that anchor your life and prevent progress
6. embrace learning
7. be good for goodness sake
Let me expand on each of these.
1. Find your passion
If you have a passion you will have dedication to accomplish anything you want to. The week before school started I was teaching a freshman connections class and one of the main goals of this course is to help students find their passion. Why would that matter so much? I have been lucky enough to have found different passions in my life. My main passion lies in Autism and everything related to that, as well as in teaching and research. I literally love it. I feel lucky to have a job that combines all of these aspects. That doesn't mean it is always easy and I don't have days were I do tedious things, but the big picture is always ahead of me, which gives me the drive to pull through those tasks that are not as fun. If you find your passion, you will be a much better contributing member of society.
Since a lot of my friends and family, who will be reading this blog, are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I want to address something else as well. We are taught that we are children of our Heavenly Father. I believe this teaching deeply in my heart. But at the same time I believe that being a son or daughter of our Heavenly Father does not mean we are all the same. We are not robots or sheep that all think the same way, have the same opinion and strive for only one ideal set up of life. We are diverse by nature and unique individuals. Find out specifically what that son or daughter of God looks like, what it is that gets you excited. Discover who you are with your own interests, opinions, thoughts. Please be honest with yourself. It can be scary at times, but it is worth the effort. I believe that facing that challenge to discover yourself will be a step to more happiness. But be prepared because I don't think the discovery process is ever over. The more you find out about yourself though, the better you are to yourself.
2. Be in the moment and live that moment to its fullest
This concept has been somewhat new to me. But it started with a conversation I had with a friend who had recently been to Switzerland on a study abroad. He told me about his first experiences with meditation and learning to live in the moment. He told me about his first experiences with yoga. I was intrigued. I wanted to find out what he was talking about. Eventually I started going to yoga and understood a little bit better, what it means to let go of the everyday thoughts and just being in the moment. This doesn't mean to "eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we will die!" No it is much deeper than that.
It turns out that this concept of finding happiness by being in the moment is backed up with scientific data. One of my favorite pastimes is listening to TEDtalks. One of my favorite speakers there is Dan Gilbert. He is a psychologist. I have listened to many of his talks. Some of his talks were synthesized in a podcast another friend pointed me to.... "simply happy" www.npr.org/tedradiohour (http://www.npr.org/programs/ted-radio-hour/267185371/simply-happy?showDate=2014-08-15). Listen to it. It gives you all the data of why it is important to be in the moment. That means: Be present for important interpersonal interactions, meaning don't text or check Facebook. Focus on what you are doing in the moment and don't let your mind wonder, because when you do that you are less likely to be happy. Take a walk, and just be on the walk and enjoy what you see, feel, smell.... Talk to your kids, and just be with them. Eat your food and focus on the tastes and smells. Do your work and don't let your thoughts wander to your plans at night. Simply be in the moment whatever that may be, and enjoy that moment. It takes practice, but I think it will greatly decrease your fears and anxiety of the future, but at the same time lets you enjoy life more. When you are present in the moment you are being good to yourself.
3. Treat your body well
I feel like this one is pretty self explanatory. But even though we all know what it means to treat your body well, I feel like we don't have any idea how much of an impact it actually has on our lives. I wish I was better at listening to my body and learning how to consistently treat it better. Being good to yourself, means doing good things for your body as well. That includes sleeping enough, eating balanced meals with sufficient vitamins and minerals, exercising, and drinking enough water. I have been interested in nutrition a lot over the past few years and have done some research on depression, inflammation, allergies and dermatitis and nutrition. It all comes down to the same principles. Listen to your body. The relationship between treating your body well and happiness is astounding. Even though there is a plethora of data that suggests a better life all around, we (including myself) forget about those facts and don't think about the long-term consequences. I truly believe that the impact of treating your body well is much more impactful than we imagine.
4. Surround yourself with those things/relationships that add value to your life
I don't know about you, but I have a lot of stuff... I have been rethinking my stuff. Do I need it all? Why? Does it just clutter my life, or does it actually add value to my life? I think this may be a blog entry all by itself, but I briefly want to tell you about minimalism. Here I would also like to point you to a podcast (http://radiowest.kuer.org/post/minimalists). I would like to give credit to those around me that direct me to certain valuable podcasts. Those podcasts add value to my life. (Those friends of course add value to my life as well).
But being good to yourself also means to get rid of those things that don't add value to your life and embracing those things that actually enhance the value of your life. I think the process of stepping away from all the unnecessary things in life can also be painful and scary. I am in the process of trying it out and it has been rewarding so far. It definitely adds to my happiness. It helps me to be better to myself and gives more room and time for the things that matter most.
5. Get rid of those things that anchor your life and prevent progress
I am taking this phrase of anchors in our lives straight from the above mentioned podcast. What are the things that hold us back from progressing? Is it our complacency? Our comfort zone? Certain relationships of convenience and familiarity? Or is it our stuff that holds us back? With more stuff, there are more things to worry about. With more stuff we clutter our time. We have become masters of distracting ourselves so that we don't have to face ourselves and our own insecurities. Without those time suckers we now all of the sudden have time to think and to be alone with our thoughts. What happens then? We move to new spheres! We become better! We treat others better! We are good to ourselves and others, because we can be in the moment!
6. Embrace learning
I am convinced that when you learn and engage your brain you are being good to yourself. The brain wants to be used and challenged. It wants to form new connections and expands its synapses. Learning is the process of making new connections in your brain. Behaviorally that means that you pull concepts from all walks of life together and connect them to a bigger picture. It is the process of coming closer to truth. If you don't stimulate or engage your brain it will undoubtedly waste away. Your brain will be stimulated by experiencing life, reading, solving problems, going on adventures, doing something new you have never done before or meeting new people. This is not an exhaustive list of how you can learn... BUT LEARN! Whatever it is that you are learning, embrace it. Challenge yourself. It is soooo good for yourself.
7. Be good for goodness sake
Being good to yourself also means being good to those around you. Not because you will get something out of it or because someone told you so, but because being good enhances all of human kind. Some may say that being good is selfish, because you get a good feeling from it and that is the reason why you do it. I don't disagree with the fact that doing good will enhance your own life, but if that is the reason you do good... you may want to rethink your intentions. Do good, because you want society to be better and not because you want something out of it or because if you do good you feel entitled to certain blessings.
I think happiness takes practice. I am still learning, but I have found these things to be helpful. I am not saying this is a solution for everybody, but maybe some thoughts for you to consider. I encourage you all to "be good to yourself". I am not an expert on any of these suggestions, but I want to improve upon them continuously. Leave your thoughts and input in the comments. I would love to read them.
